


Pain is Beauty, My Dear

by illumi_naughty



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Anorexia, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Dipper is a nerd, Dipper is the big brother and Mabel is 7, Eating Disorders, Human Bill Cipher, M/M, Mabel and Dipper aren't twins in this btw, No triangle Bill, Sad!Bill, So is Will, and dipper also likes to write stories/tell them to his sister, anorexic!Bill, bill and will have a terrible father, bill is a sad dork who loves his little brother, it's 6am lord help me I wanna sleep, it's like were all saying yay! they're depressed af!, there might be smut in later chapters but don't count on it, why do we put ! after those things, will add more tags as the story goes on if needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7317652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illumi_naughty/pseuds/illumi_naughty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill was a bright child. His brightness was ripped away from him as well as his childhood innocence, though, when his mom died in childbirth. He was forced to raise his little brother from a young age. As he grew older, he developed a few unhealthy habits, one of those being not eating. He hides it, but those around him aren't as oblivious as he thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain is Beauty, My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first gf fic and also the first fic I've written since I was like 13  
> I have no clue how to portray characters  
> I think that I did a pretty good job on this tho  
> then again it's 6am and I haven't slept, so who knows?  
> Also, the summary probably sucks so I'm sorry  
> the writing may also suck but my delusional mind doesn't give a fuck at this moment I just want to sleep  
> also i just want to mention now that I am not underestimating the seriousness of an eating disorder  
> trust me, I've had one and I still struggle with it today sometimes  
> If you struggle with an eating disorder, please be careful and take care of yourself (please, if this might trigger you, don't read, or at least read with caution)

Cold, dead eyes stared back at him through the reflection. A boy, 17 years in age, sat naked in front of the bathroom mirror. How long had he been there? He was unsure. He had thin wispy blond hair, the roots a dark brown. It was very unkempt. His cheeks were sunken in, as well as his stomach. Running his fingers down his chest to his stomach, he could count his ribs. His legs were toothpicks, they looked as if they would snap any minute.

Bill wasn’t always this way. He wasn’t always a walking skeleton. No, he used to be bigger, he used to be fat. Everybody around him told him he wasn’t, begged for him to understand. He didn’t believe them, they all lied. He went from a healthy weight of 156lbs, now weighing a mere 98lbs in the span of a year. His goal was 80lbs.

If his mom were alive, would she be proud of him? Probably not. His mom is dead, though. All he has now is his dad and little brother. His dad didn’t give a shit, and his little brother didn’t understand. He hoped to the god he didn’t believe in that his brother never understood. He doesn’t want Will to go through this hell. He doesn’t even want the idea planted in his head. He makes sure that when he does eat, it’s in front of Will. He doesn’t need to know that his role model is starving himself.

His dad understood though. His dad understood very well what Bill was doing to himself. He just didn’t care enough to stop him. The first time a counselor from the school called him all he said to Bill was, “Don’t end up in the fucking hospital, I don’t want to waste money on you. There are more important things my money should go towards.” His dad wasn’t always a pretentious prick. He once cared about Bill. Unfortunately for all of them, Bill’s mother had died giving birth to his Little brother. 

Their dad decided to neglect them, forcing Bill to mature at the age of 10 years old. He had to raise Will. their dad provided all that they needed, but Bill was the one who did everything else. He had countless burn scars on his body from the cooking mishaps. In fact, Bill lost sight in one of his eyes when he was 12. He spilled boiling water on his face. His face was burned for a while, but that healed. His sight in his left eye, though, he never got it back.

Bill, having looked away when getting lost in thought, looked at himself in the eye once again, then to the clock on the wall. 3:44pm. His brother would need to be picked up from cheer practice soon. Bill found it a little odd when Will wanted to do cheerleading, but who was he to crush the boy’s dreams? Bill was the one who paid for all of the things Will needed for cheer. Their father probably didn’t even know Will did cheer. Considering their dad is an asshole, he would probably discourage Will for doing something “girly.” With a sigh, Bill got dressed.

He arrived a little bit early in picking Will up, but Bill didn’t mind. He enjoyed watching his little brother cheer. Will always looked so happy when he did. He was the only boy on the team, but all the girls were very kind to him. Especially a little girl named Mabel, who was his best friend.

Soon enough, practice had ended. Bill got out of the car to go over to Will, who was talking to Mabel and two other girls. “Hey there, Will, did you have fun at practice?” Will, hearing his brother’s voice, jumped up and ran to hug him. 

“Bill! I had lots and lots of fun as always. We started doing stunts today, and guess what? I’m a flyer! I thought for sure I was going to be a base, but nope! Mrs. Diana said I was small enough for it.” Will explained to him happily. His little brother seemed ecstatic about this.

“That’s great! I’m happy for you!” Bill picked up the small boy, bringing him into a tight hug. The boy giggled in response.

“Oh, Bill!” Will wiggled out of his hold, running over to the little girl he called his best friend. “Can I have a sleepover? With Mabel? At are house? Please, please, pleeeeaaasseeeee?” Will asked, hope sparkling in his baby blue eyes. 

“Sure, why not? It would have to be over the weekend, though. Sleepovers on school days are no fun.” That, and their dad isn’t ever home during the weekends. “You also have to make sure it’s okay with Mabel’s parents.” Will nodded, barely listening to Bill as he talked excitedly with Mabel about what they were going to do.

As always, Bill sat on a bench that was next to the school’s playground. After practice, Bill let his little brother play on the playground with Mabel until someone from her family arrived to pick her up. They were all very busy, so Bill told that he would be more than glad to watch her until one arrived. He actually knows her great uncles pretty well now. 

As he sat watching the children play, a gust of wind blew past him, causing a shiver to run through him. It was almost 80 degrees out, yet the wind cut through him like a knife. He pulled his sweater tightly around him, hoping that one of Mabel’s grunkles will get there soon.

Instead of Stan or Ford, though, this time a boy who looked to be his age showed up. More importantly, the cute nerd who was in a few of Bill’s classes. “Mabel, come on, we gotta go!” The boy called out to his sister.

“Awww, come one DippingDots, can I play for a little longer? Me and Will are in the middle of a big battles against an army of gnomes! I can’t just abandon him, he’s so tiny, he will never survive alone!” This girl is interesting, Bill thought to himself.

“Will and I,” He corrected, such a fucking nerd,” but fine. You’ve got 10 minutes, then we really need to go. I’ve got work, and you have to come with me. Gruncle Stan and Ford are very busy and Wendy is apparently ‘sick’.” Mabel, who probably didn’t listened, just gave a short nod as well as a ‘yeah, okay, got it.’

Dipper then noticed him and made his way over. “Hey, Bill. I’m going to assume Will is your brother?”

Bill hummed a confirmation to him, his face forming a smirk. Gotta fake that confidence. “I’m going to guess Mabel is your sister? Never knew you had a sister, Pine Tree.“

“Pine Tree?” He questioned, only to be ignored.

“Guess I should've guessed, huh? After all, you share the last name of Glasses and Sixer.” 

“Who?”

“Stan and Ford. And, well, Mabel of course. Man, that one flew right over my head.” He laughed, the signature loud and obnoxious cackle. Then another gust of wind came along, cutting Bill off. Another violent shiver went through him, this didn’t go unnoticed by Dipper.

“You okay, dude? It’s like, 80 degrees out. And you’re wearing a sweater.” The brunet looked down at him, concern showing on his face.

Bill tried to recover, and through gritted teeth he replied, “Peachy, Pine Tree. I just get cold easily. Always have, this is nothing new.” Dipper looked like he didn’t believe him, but he didn’t question him further. This relieved Bill. He may not be close to Pine tree, but he has known him for a long time. Dipper also wasn’t an oblivious idiot. 

He was very observant. He noticed every little detail about everything. This included Bill. He noticed how the man’s once muscular figure had been replaced by that of a skeleton. Physically Bill had changed a lot in the past year. 

An awkward silence had grown between them. Luckily, it didn’t last long. Mabel and Will soon came running to them. Will to Bill, Mabel to Dipper. “Ready to go?” Dipper asked his little sister.

“Ready to go, BroBro!” She yelled, climbing around him onto his back. “Onward, my trusty steed!” Dipper chuckled at his little sister’s oddness and started to walk them toward the library, where he works. Before he got fare, Bill called out to him.

“Oh yeah, Pine Tree! The little ones want to have a sleep over! We can talk about this more tomorrow in Bio!” Dipper showed him a thumbs up to show him he heard. Little did they know, this was the start of a lovely friendship.

And by lovely, it means a very bumpy friendship that could be described as a roller coaster with lots of emotions that, who knows, could turn into something more.

**Author's Note:**

> did I mention it's 6am? I lied, it's actually 5:49am but close enough  
> anyways, I didn't read through this so there are probably mistakes like mixing up will and bill because I noticed I did that while writing  
> I will (maybe, possibly, prbs not) go through this when I wake up at like 4pm (thank god for summer)  
> btw the biggest reason I'm making Will a cheerleader is because I know a lot about cheer since I wasted a good 6 years of my life on it and also i know nothing of other sports (plus fuck gender roles anyone who says that boys can't do shit like cheer can come and F I G H T ME)  
> Also, this is going to have more chapters,but I'm just going to say now that I am a procrastinater and I will probably take for fucking ever to update this  
> I'll try my best to not take 80 years to update but any promises I would make are empty so none of those  
> this is the first time I've written something that wasn't for school and finished it in a real long time so  
> if I'm wrong and this does suck I'm (not really) sorry (it's my life man, I write for fun and also to let out my emotions)  
> if you actually read this note I'm surprised you're still here but it's now 5:54am so hey, hi, goodbye


End file.
